Cybersex: How intimate are YOU and YOUR mouse? May Water

Cybersex: How intimate are you and your mouse? May Water

“Online sex is a wonderful invention. Now, if only everyone could type faster”(

“It’s all fun and games until you can’t find your mouse in the morning,” May Water

The practice of cybersex , as well as texting and phone sex, is a controversial subject. Some see it as a safe, fun means to release pent up sexual energy, while others see it as abnormal and dangerous.

If one was realistic, the entire technology/ communication world in general right now could be described as abnormal. If humans were to approach communication and sex as nature intended, it would be through face to face interactions. Yet technology is what it is. It’s not slowing down any time soon. In fact, it’s not a far stretch to assume that someday in the future we will be able to have sex with holograms. (I hosey the Johnny Depp holo)

When I started looking into cybersex for research for my erotic romance BALLS TO THE WALL DETECTIVES INC, my first step was to find out who actually spends the most time online, in general, for anything. The internet bridges continents, allows anonymity, places us all on a level playing field, makes communication effortless. So who uses the world wide web the most? From what I previously read or knew about cybering and internet use, I assumed it was men.

Here’s what I found from the Nielson/NetRatings Internet Demographics:

Number of Americans online- 76 million

Sex- 52.7 male, 47.3 female

Ages of most active users: 35-44 year olds

Education level: Bachelor’s degree

Race -White

Okay, now that I knew who was using the net most often in the US (men), who was cybering the most? Again, I thought the answer would be men.

“Cybersex is a subcategory of online sexual activities (OSA) and is defined as when one or more people are engaging in sexual talk while online for the purposes of sexual pleasure and may or may not include masturbation..” (

I guess I wasn’t the only one curious about cybering, because I scored tons of study’s on the subject. Through an internet study of cybersex participants/ Dept. of Social Work, Sweden, an online questionnaire showed that 1/3 of the almost 2000 responses engaged in OSA. Those who engaged, spent more time online engaging in OSA and had more offline sex partners.

Cyber relationships, as well as cybersex can fulfill some of our human needs, but both are extremely different than real life relationships and sex. Most glaringly, the senses are neglected. Touch, taste, and sight and scent are absent, mechanisms that we humans use to process information. Is that good or bad? Neither. It just is.

Many studies claim this: Cybersex is addictive

Maybe that’s what the cybersex skeptics are focused on? The image of the lone man masturbating at his computer, surfing from site to site, for hours on end? Sure, that happens, but there are alot of solo women and couples engaging in the act as well. Most studies show that men and women engage in the practice equally. Surprised? I was.

Another issue that has a divided school of thought is cyber cheating. Discussion threads from,, and various Yahoo chat groups show the vast difference of opinions. I guess each relationship now needs to realistically include online interactions when discussing their own parameters of what cheating is and isn’t.

On a serious note, cyber addictions are a real thing. Whether it be cybering, porning, or video game addictions, those suffering are encouraged to seek help. But back t cybering, there are massive amounts of regular Joe’s (and Joanna’s) engaging in cybersex, and still managing to balance the online world with the offline world.

So from all the studies and research I weeded through, the general conclusions are: more men are on the internet in general, men and women cybersex equally, yet more men than women develop addictions to online sex and online pornography, A WHOPPING 85% (

My personal conclusion from all the research? Cybersex between consenting adults with no cheating involved? Great. Cybersex between you and a significant other? Even Better. Where’s my mouse? It was right next to my bed last night…


photo credit: Dave Dugdale via photopin cc