Jonny Depp is hot!
Now that I’ve got your attention, let me tell you how excited I am for the summer release of The Lone Ranger. I. Can’t. Wait!
It’s a western, which I just don’t see often enough, but it’s also based on one of the most iconic characters ever created. The Lone Ranger has been around for a long time. He came to life in a radio show in 1933 that was so popular it spawned a television series, numerous movies, comic books, records, and novels. Even now, there are new tales being added to the canon of one of America’s most fascinating characters.
“I think all the points are good to live by, but the one about truth—all things change but truth, and that truth alone, lives on forever—is the best.”
What is it that makes the Lone Ranger so captivating? I think his popularity lies in the strong moral compass of his character. The Lone Ranger never shoots to kill. He only takes his weapon in hand to disarm his opponent in the least harmful way. In most of his stories, he fights for the underdog by helping a single person or a small group of people against a much larger injustice. And (in a habit that is no doubt near and dear to every mother) he only speaks in perfect grammar, refusing to use slang.
Sigh. Yeah. All that is swoon worthy right there. But he also lives by a ten-point creed that is so compelling even his fans do their best to follow in his footsteps. I think all the points are good to live by, but the one about truth—all things change but truth, and that truth alone, lives on forever—is the best.
So, since I’m a fan and I believe in telling the truth, I have something to confess. I started this with the grabber that Jonny Depp is hot. Just in case you don’t know by now, Jonny Depp is playing Tonto in the Lone Ranger movie. Casting the amazingly talented and hunkalicious Jonny Depp as Tonto only makes me want to see the movie a million times more. But then I got a good look at the guy playing the title character and hubba hubba! Armie Hammer is so fine I swear my eyes go all cartoonishly big and red hearts come popping out of them when I see him. I mean seriously, who doesn’t think both of those guys are totally drool worthy?
Okay, no argument there. But since I’m a ManLove author, I have to take this confession one step further. When I see the posters for the movie I want the Lone Ranger and Tonto to be standing just a little closer to one another. I want them to be looking at one another with that little spark of interest. I seriously wouldn’t be opposed to seeing them in an old-fashioned clinch pose like the way Rhett Butler has Scarlett O’ Hara wrapped up in his manly arms in the Gone With the Wind poster.
“I love to have sexually pent-up characters who are almost oblivious to their sexual needs until that spark of interest happens.”
Of course, that will never happen. I don’t think the vast majority of moviegoing audiences are ready for something like that. Especially not where I live in Utah. You might remember Utah made international news when a movie theater near Salt Lake City refused to show Brokeback Mountain because of the same-sex story line. It was a mess, and the owner later admitted he’d made a bad decision, but that certainly didn’t pave the way for future gay romance movies to be shown at his theater.
Too bad. Because I simply can’t be the only one who would love to see the Lone Ranger and Tonto throw down. I mean, here we have a character who is all about law and order, so much so that he doesn’t have time for romance. To me, that says he’s celibate, and I find that sexy as hell. Yeah, go figure. I love to have sexually pent-up characters who are almost oblivious to their sexual needs until that spark of interest happens. For the Lone Ranger, he has Tonto, his faithful companion, who follows him to hell and back. Since Tonto is almost always with the Lone Ranger, he clearly doesn’t have any time for romance, either. So here we have two pent-up guys, spending most of their time together, which includes nighttime. Near a romantically cozy campfire…
Oops. I drifted off into fantasyland. Sorry about that. I just get into the idea of what would a romance story between the Lone Ranger and Tonto be like. I imagine it would be very good. Would I like to write it? You bet I would! But I don’t want to get my pants sued off. And yes, I looked it up. I wondered who if anyone owned the copyright to the Lone Ranger. A corporation does, and they aren’t real keen on sharing it with the likes of me.
“Like I said in the beginning, the Lone Ranger isn’t just a character, he’s an icon. He stands for truth, justice, and the American West.”
And don’t get the wrong idea. They aren’t opposed to the idea of the Lone Ranger being portrayed as gay, or at least I don’t think they are. What they do care about is the image of the character. They are very careful about how he’s perceived. Basically, the Lone Ranger is so busy fighting injustice and trying to help the West he simply doesn’t have time for romance, and neither does Tonto. The issue is that the Lone Ranger as a character is static. He doesn’t evolve. The Lone Ranger is essentially the same today as he was back in 1933.
Not that I blame them one bit. I don’t. Like I said in the beginning, the Lone Ranger isn’t just a character, he’s an icon. He stands for truth, justice, and the American West. There’s no room for love in there, which is kind of sad. Watching the Lone Ranger and Tonto fall in love would make for one hell of a fun story. Although, not being able to use their character didn’t stop me from writing a romance about a lone ranger and a Piute Indian. I just had to make sure I didn’t get anywhere near the staple elements of their character. Since I love to put my own unique twist on the tried and true, I didn’t have a problem taking my idea and spinning it into something I’m happy to put my name on.
By Anitra Lynn McLeod